Because of you!
Foggy memories and taking years to talk about it are hallmarks of assault. Fear of being judged, fear of being labelled as “dirty”, thinking no one will believe you, and worrying about what your parents will think are often the factors that make us hesitate. Particularly in the Indian community, if you are touched without consent, it is “your fault.” This mentality is especially prominent with South Asian men.
“What was she wearing?” “Why did she invite him over?” (@m.aqur on Instagram said that one) “Why was she wearing lipgloss?” “Why was she wearing sexy underwear?” “She could’ve not been as flirty” “What’s her dad gonna think of her?” “No one will marry her now”
You’re promoting rape culture, my friend. This really sets me on fire.
And THEN, there’s the people who say “well why didn’t she fight back? fight or flight!” My good sir, there’s literal neurobiological research that highlights “flight or flight” should be changed to “fight, flight, or freeze.” PEOPLE FREEZE WHEN THEY PANIC. IT HAS PROBABLY HAPPENED TO YOU. THE VICTIM CAN BECOME PARALYZED BY THE SHOCK BECAUSE IT’S THE BODY’S PROTECTIVE RESPONSE.
It is because of us, our culture and our mindset, that survivors are horrified. They don’t want to come forward. Too many of them end up thinking it’s their fault, because of us. Because of the victim-blaming questions we ask. Because we bring up she was intoxicated. Because we mention that she should’ve “taken care of herself.”
People aren’t naive. They’re aware that horrible things happen to good people, so why is it that when someone speaks up about said horrible thing they turn to their trusty set of victim-blaming questions?
They are in denial. It can be subconscious. Your tendency to tell the woman it’s her fault may stem from your need to believe that the people and world around you are in fact, good.
What a paradox.